I took a break from taking care of the mouseling on Friday to go with my sister to the Sidebar. It's a very small space and I know the members of one of the bands, Dry Season. They recruited a ton of friends to come out and see the show, so I ended up knowing practically half the crowd. Yang designed the flyer for the lineup (see here) which turned out amazing.

The thing about the Sidebar is that every time I go there (not that it's often), I seem to get unplannedly, incredibly drunk. The irony is, the music might actually be experienced better drunk. It's a lot of experimental, instrumental music that very much begs a mellow and hazy state of mind.

( strange steps / heels turned black )

( A few more pictures - Nigel meets the tiny ones; a visual commentary on scale )

I'm becoming more and more attached to the tiny ones. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. :|

EDIT: Lexy, do NOT tell Mom I got them. She will most likely flip out.

Honing my newly acquired photography skills...and a visual journey through the Maryland Zoo.

( Test shots )


( The trip to the zoo )

Unaltered FIRST EVER image taken with the newly owned! fabulously designed! amazing! many other excitement-fueled adjectives! Canon EOS Digital Rebel XS omfg omfg omfg omfg I cannot believe SOMEONE ELSE bought this camera and I am getting to use it :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D::D

Picture quality can only get better from here! This is all automatic settings and nothing adjusted...aslkdfjasldkfjasdlkjfasdlf excited. YES

This has been the most productive week of my entire life. I have never felt more successful than I do now, perhaps because I have never really felt successful before. Much more on this soon.

The desire for a replacement of my beloved Konica Minolta DiMage Z6 grows. It's now been over half a year since I wrecked the lens by dropping it on a marble counter. As I look at other cameras, some seem decent but none am I familiar with as intimately as the DiMage. It seems as though no other set of controls are as easily, or as comfortable to manipulate with my fingertips as my old friend. And even though I know it would be best to slowly pool money until I can buy the best camera I can get rather than settle for less (I could buy another Z6 for $150 on eBay since it's now an ancient model--it was originally $500), I feel pressed for time because I have received a number of commissions lately to do casual photography. These are predominantly unpaid requests from friends, but I still feel ashamed to show up with my puny Sony DSC-P10. The camera is over six years old now and does not look professional or take professional pictures. Woe betide me, I am nowhere near anything but an amateur photographer but I desperately long for something more.

My alternatives, unaffordable but with potential are the following:

SONY CYBER-SHOT DSC-H5 (7.2 MP) - another old model, it seems to have some difficulty with dark shots and graininess but overall not too bad for $135 on eBay
CANON POWERSHOT G10 (14 MP) - a much newer model and subsequently about four times as expensive, I actually am okay with the controls for this one even though the scrolling button is a little bit wacky; $465 on eBay

If I had the money I would probably want to upgrade to a DSLR, but seeing as I don't technically genuinely understand what an SLR is, I don't think I deserve to be buying one. I really wish I could take a photography class.

Perhaps someone could clear up a little confusion, though: There are small point-and-shoots, and large point-and-shoots. I've always perceived the bigger ones to be superior. But really, do they have any advantage? I've always thought the larger, longer lens yielded a better macro image, but this is only an assumption.

*EDIT: Okay, after reading the above review for the Canon, I kind of really want it now, more than I did before. Help, I am becoming attached to it. I wonder if the G9 is relatively comparable? It's certainly quite a bit cheaper.

Okay, my hardwood floor fixation has gotten so dire I'm seriously considering moving JUST because I want hardwood floors that badly. I hate that my carpet and walls are the exact same color. I also want to move because it would give me the opportunity to design an apartment a second time. And, thirdly, because I am incredibly lonely living alone and am thinking that moving to a two-bedroom might work out much, much better--even though I would keep mainly to myself, just having another person in the relative vicinity would be comforting. Also, I would save several hundred dollars' worth of rent per month.

So, any Baltimorean takers? I make a quiet, agreeable flatmate, and I already possess all necessary furniture. :)

( Nigel, and an addition to my current apt. )

Would someone give me recommendations for basic feminist literature? Perhaps there is a little starting-out reading list for the woefully uninformed? I may ideologically perceive myself to be "feminist," but I know little to nothing about the history of women's liberation, and would like to be able to distinguish between the different so-called waves of feminism, such that I would not embarrass myself in referencing them. Any particular articles, treatises, literature for someone beginning to explore the topic? Web links would be extremely useful, since I would rather not go out and buy books, but will, if necessary.

I have been looking back at my old writing from college. One of my particular sources of amusement is the essay I wrote in Texts & Contexts, about the book that I only half read, although it appears from the essay that I have a great knowledge about the subject. I half miss the fine art of bullshitting that hearkens back to my high school days, but in recognizing such pride I am reminded that I am rarely, if ever, proud of the papers I write, not because I received a poor grade (they were primarily As), but because I discovered little in writing them. I'm not certain what my objective has been in writing academically except to obtain a good grade. In fact, in looking over these papers I barely remember writing them. It is thus obvious that they were of little significance to me. I am only now realizing the irony of my conduct. I profess that my goal in life is to learn and discover, yet my writing is evidence completely to the contrary; indeed, it is mediocre, a mere re-affirmation of the status quo, deserving (but also simultaneously formulating) the class A. It is clear evidence of apathy rather than interest in the subject matter.

I am beginning to rewrite (pardon the pun) my objective for being in, and participating in, school. It is rather embarrassing that it has taken me this long to figure out that the work done is more important than the grade, but I was (unconsciously; constantly in denial about it) an inflexible, conformist person for a very long time. As I have said, my grades last fall were mediocre at best, and I have absolutely no expectations for the spring grades. That is actually reflective of the effort I have put in and I believe I should recognize that as appropriate. But it is hard reorganizing my life in such a fundamentally different way. I was not genuinely aware that I construed academic success as superficial academic success. But I did, and I probably always will to some extent, evaluate my success on this level, because it is easier to do, and tradition is difficult, though never impossible, to break.

I think, though, that all this is partially an exaggeration. I did not hate writing. Contained in it will always be some degree of my passion. I chose my classes, I enjoyed taking them, and embodied in essays and discussions will always be something that is intrinsically my; my observations are not dispassionate, but they are often forced at the very end--whether through procrastination, frustration, or the futility of not having enough time or means to produce anything more stimulating. So I do not deride my work entirely but do admit it could be better, and mean more, if I had put my whole heart in it.

What makes me sad is that if I don't get the requisite GPA for law journal, I will not be able to get in next year, and I will not have the opportunity to redeem myself the way I want to--to apply this tardy epiphany to the future writing opportunity law journal would have given me. I want that chance, because I believe that writing for a journal means something to me. And for my upcoming failure, and for whatever string of failures I shall present myself with in the future, I am truly sorry.

Difficult sometimes to draw a distinction between what I like to think about and what I genuinely wish to actuate. Of course, I am an avoidant personality at heart, but I genuinely have a passion for many things. I wish I could do them all, but some take priority over others, and practically, just in terms of time availability, few will be capable of being explored. Nevertheless, it is worth mentioning that these are a few of the potential research topics that I have been thinking about lately.

1. Do an enormous cross-sectional study of major psychiatric illnesses and compare the diagnostic criteria used to diagnose them in regions around the world--I suppose this would be a comparative analysis of the diagnoses themselves and what diagnoses really are. At first look it would seem that diagnoses are made by matching up a particular individual's traits (behavioral, physiological) with those determined to comprise a particular "illness." In other words, in making a diagnosis, an individual may possess a particular trait that is part of several mental illnesses. It is only the summation of all "relevant" (and I use relevant in a way that ought further be explored as well) traits that concludes and creates a diagnosis of a particular illness that requires a minimum of a certain number of traits and, additionally, the non-existence of certain other traits. I have been thinking about paranoia as a symptom-trait and how it manifests itself in a democratic society. While paranoia can manifest itself in a number of ways, ( Read more... )

Mania and anxiety: sometimes concurrent, sometimes alternate, always lurking on the peripheries of caffeine pill use and that one extra coffee that pushes one over the edge of reason into hyperbole.

I am greatly helped by the open windows. What I need is a reminder, and a reassurance, that I am free; that the walls are not closing in on me, so to speak. A literal, physical manifestation of this perhaps metaphysical or metaphoric fact is necessary.

It annoys me SO much that Anthropologie is so difficult to get to from where I live. >:( I have to catch a bus that takes forty minutes to get there, and it only runs once an hour, if that. So I sometimes opt to buy online if I see something at the store and can't make up my mind about it while I'm there.

( Alas" )

However, this was still an excellent weekend as I was able to finally present my oral argument at the courthouse and then rendezvous with my sister (a.k.a. tolfea).

( Pictures and details... )

What is fantasy football?

Being in a state of anger is much like being drunk; you do things you would not otherwise do because a temporary block has been placed on one's ability to think rationally. It is a good thing I do not engage in either with great frequency.

In other news, the great saga of Property class continues. I like my Property professor greatly, and she seems to think the same of me, yesterday commenting on how she looked forward to seeing me in class today. And I seem to enjoy Property at odd moments. Yet concurrently, the duality of received impressions and true meaning belie our relationship. She seems to think I have an expansive, comprehensive knowledge based on my excellent ability to parse out useful information from the cases and read it out to her in a way that falsely suggests I understand matters without the comprehension of the recited information. Yet in fact my knowledge is so narrow that I barely understand a thing that is going on. Occasionally there are brief periods where I seem to understand the material better than anyone else in the class and ask those insightful questions that give cause for others to glare; but then there are those instances where I am well aware I haven't done half the reading and am verily bullshitting my way through another class period. It is unfortunate that the bullshit skill is not applicable in the exam setting.

I woke up in the most foul mood imaginable. I have no idea why I am so pissy right now. Everything is getting on my nerves. It would be hilarious if I were not so annoyed about the fact that it might be hilarious. I anticipate that any comments to this post would infuriate me, but disabling comments would also infuriate me, and getting comments would also infuriate me, so I have not made up my mind what to do. It strikes me that I have not been genuinely angry in a long time, possibly months. There is a huge difference between being perpetually depressed and enraged, and I think I could dare to say that they are expressions of the same sentiment.

I could seriously cut a bitch right now. I am on the warpath. If I write something that offends you today, I am not liable.

Have received both my federal and state tax refunds in the mail, one of which was $83 more than I planned for (I recorded it in my spreadsheet wrong).

YES

YES

YES

Victory.



( What to do with the surplus? )

I am a small forest of trees
trying to finish my homework.



Days go by, I find myself not liking property very much at all. I wonder if I will find myself a Contracts lawyer instead? I like the logistical games one can play with promissory conditions and conditional promises. But one area I have not considered is one closer to the humanities. I want to find out if one can found a career in constitutional law. I want to keep my distance from clients desperate for settlement money. I guess I am too much of a purist in a practical world. I will have to bring up all these questions with my professors.