Lana Velvet Pouf

Most excellent, it is finally mine.

Happy birthday, me!

Unfortunately, it is not the happiest of birthdays given the current state of things, especially with my parents, but they are taking me out to treat me to a pumpkin spice frappuccino. I am greatly looking forward to this.

I realize that I completely forgot to link my wishlist. Not that there's an ElJay obligatory thing, but I usually shamelessly promote it just in case. Anyway, here you go. :P

Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

I experience this every once in awhile, right before I fall asleep, ever since I was a child. How fascinating. I never knew it was an established syndrome, or that anyone else experienced it.

ASDFKLJASDLFJKAEFOAIJEFALSDKJFASD SO MUCH WORK TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!

On the bright side, devised an idea for the short story. On the dark side of the bright side (potential conundrum notwithstanding), writing not going so well. My artistic voice is being suppressed by anxiety over needing to write artistically. Must devise remedy or find self in state of risk of potential embarrassment over peers and professor reading work and finding it, perhaps not story-wise lacking, but creativity of verbal-expressiveness lacking. Sigh. Infraction of insensitive lack of binary collaboration yields what can only be termed "failure" indeed.

Note: I rarely ever have problems spelling, but I always stumble over the word "embarrassment." I don't know why I think it has only one "r." Perhaps to use mnemonic or otherwise device: "Barrister" has two r's. Now, is that apostrophe correct?

I do not like this book icon. Please recommend alternate icon?

I walk down dimly lit streets, holding my Americano tenderly, my nighttime salvation, the hero against sleep. Tonight it is not windy, tonight pebbles do not blow into my eyes and strike and blind me; I can see into the Subway where a homeless man is purchasing a sandwich and a soda. It is quiet out but there are people afoot, crowds of hipsters who gracefully step over the bum huddled at the bottom of a doorstep. There are many derelicts about in this city, and most of them are quiet and haunt the street, heroin crazed, starved, moving with shuffling steps, sometimes waiting patiently in front of the liquor store for hours on end, some in wheelchairs, missing limbs. No one seems to speak to them, and they never speak to one another. I walk around myself drinking in the city tonight momentarily, but instead of seeking shelter, I seek escape from it. But here I am again inside, evading the lamplight that casts only a brief warmth over some corners of the long room.

Doing some catching up on picture posts. This is the trip I took with Heather (greenigma21) during the weekend of her birthday celebration.

( My introduction to South Jersey and Philadelphia! )

What I most love about this camera is that me looks like me.

While rearranging the contents of my apartment, I came across my collection of special edition Harry Potter books. I have the first five books in a hardcover UK edition with gilt pages, canvas covers, and the author's signature in gold on the front. I have no idea why I bought all these extravagant books. I vaguely remember purchasing them all in a fit of Harry Potter-obsessed, Amazon.co.uk glee back in high school. I think I paid $140 or so for all five of them.

My "Harry Potter phase" is very much over, so I decided to re-list the books on Amazon. As it seems to be turning out, my books are worth far more than I thought. My copy of Order of the Phoenix has a going rate of, minimum, $120. On Amazon--who knows how much elsewhere? I could probably make around $400 off all five on Amazon.

I'd rather make money right off the bat even if it means forfeiting some future profit, but I do want to maximize my gain. It's just so annoying trying to figure out all this nonsense in regard to printing editions and series. I hate ISBNs. And serial numbers. And seemingly arbitrary annotations. Why isn't there a guide for this? Should I be auctioning on eBay?

I swear I will post pictures soon...I am so bad at accomplishing tasks.

In other news, Chace Crawford moved into the same apartment complex where Yang's old roommates are currently living. Methinks this is an opportunity to stake out the area in the hope that Ed Westwick might stop by (Chace and Ed are good friends).

Gossip Girl ftw. I still don't understand how the show is going to function when they're all attending different schools. Maybe they will cut a few people. I am hoping they cut Vanessa, and her ridiculous expensive outfits; $1100 Heimstone jackets and Rich & Skinny jeans (I hate that brand. The name is irascibly stupid) when her plotline is all about being unable to pay her Brooklyn rent, and how she comes from a poverty-stricken family -ha! as if; oh, and her backpacking trip across Europe (it seemed so effortless. It costs thousands of dollars to backpack across Europe. Do the producers think we're idiots? I'm insulted). Perhaps they will cut out the entire Humphrey family, too. One can hope.

I took a break from taking care of the mouseling on Friday to go with my sister to the Sidebar. It's a very small space and I know the members of one of the bands, Dry Season. They recruited a ton of friends to come out and see the show, so I ended up knowing practically half the crowd. Yang designed the flyer for the lineup (see here) which turned out amazing.

The thing about the Sidebar is that every time I go there (not that it's often), I seem to get unplannedly, incredibly drunk. The irony is, the music might actually be experienced better drunk. It's a lot of experimental, instrumental music that very much begs a mellow and hazy state of mind.

( strange steps / heels turned black )

( A few more pictures - Nigel meets the tiny ones; a visual commentary on scale )

I'm becoming more and more attached to the tiny ones. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. :|

EDIT: Lexy, do NOT tell Mom I got them. She will most likely flip out.

Honing my newly acquired photography skills...and a visual journey through the Maryland Zoo.

( Test shots )


( The trip to the zoo )

Unaltered FIRST EVER image taken with the newly owned! fabulously designed! amazing! many other excitement-fueled adjectives! Canon EOS Digital Rebel XS omfg omfg omfg omfg I cannot believe SOMEONE ELSE bought this camera and I am getting to use it :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D::D

Picture quality can only get better from here! This is all automatic settings and nothing adjusted...aslkdfjasldkfjasdlkjfasdlf excited. YES

This has been the most productive week of my entire life. I have never felt more successful than I do now, perhaps because I have never really felt successful before. Much more on this soon.

The desire for a replacement of my beloved Konica Minolta DiMage Z6 grows. It's now been over half a year since I wrecked the lens by dropping it on a marble counter. As I look at other cameras, some seem decent but none am I familiar with as intimately as the DiMage. It seems as though no other set of controls are as easily, or as comfortable to manipulate with my fingertips as my old friend. And even though I know it would be best to slowly pool money until I can buy the best camera I can get rather than settle for less (I could buy another Z6 for $150 on eBay since it's now an ancient model--it was originally $500), I feel pressed for time because I have received a number of commissions lately to do casual photography. These are predominantly unpaid requests from friends, but I still feel ashamed to show up with my puny Sony DSC-P10. The camera is over six years old now and does not look professional or take professional pictures. Woe betide me, I am nowhere near anything but an amateur photographer but I desperately long for something more.

My alternatives, unaffordable but with potential are the following:

SONY CYBER-SHOT DSC-H5 (7.2 MP) - another old model, it seems to have some difficulty with dark shots and graininess but overall not too bad for $135 on eBay
CANON POWERSHOT G10 (14 MP) - a much newer model and subsequently about four times as expensive, I actually am okay with the controls for this one even though the scrolling button is a little bit wacky; $465 on eBay

If I had the money I would probably want to upgrade to a DSLR, but seeing as I don't technically genuinely understand what an SLR is, I don't think I deserve to be buying one. I really wish I could take a photography class.

Perhaps someone could clear up a little confusion, though: There are small point-and-shoots, and large point-and-shoots. I've always perceived the bigger ones to be superior. But really, do they have any advantage? I've always thought the larger, longer lens yielded a better macro image, but this is only an assumption.

*EDIT: Okay, after reading the above review for the Canon, I kind of really want it now, more than I did before. Help, I am becoming attached to it. I wonder if the G9 is relatively comparable? It's certainly quite a bit cheaper.

Okay, my hardwood floor fixation has gotten so dire I'm seriously considering moving JUST because I want hardwood floors that badly. I hate that my carpet and walls are the exact same color. I also want to move because it would give me the opportunity to design an apartment a second time. And, thirdly, because I am incredibly lonely living alone and am thinking that moving to a two-bedroom might work out much, much better--even though I would keep mainly to myself, just having another person in the relative vicinity would be comforting. Also, I would save several hundred dollars' worth of rent per month.

So, any Baltimorean takers? I make a quiet, agreeable flatmate, and I already possess all necessary furniture. :)

( Nigel, and an addition to my current apt. )

Would someone give me recommendations for basic feminist literature? Perhaps there is a little starting-out reading list for the woefully uninformed? I may ideologically perceive myself to be "feminist," but I know little to nothing about the history of women's liberation, and would like to be able to distinguish between the different so-called waves of feminism, such that I would not embarrass myself in referencing them. Any particular articles, treatises, literature for someone beginning to explore the topic? Web links would be extremely useful, since I would rather not go out and buy books, but will, if necessary.

I have been looking back at my old writing from college. One of my particular sources of amusement is the essay I wrote in Texts & Contexts, about the book that I only half read, although it appears from the essay that I have a great knowledge about the subject. I half miss the fine art of bullshitting that hearkens back to my high school days, but in recognizing such pride I am reminded that I am rarely, if ever, proud of the papers I write, not because I received a poor grade (they were primarily As), but because I discovered little in writing them. I'm not certain what my objective has been in writing academically except to obtain a good grade. In fact, in looking over these papers I barely remember writing them. It is thus obvious that they were of little significance to me. I am only now realizing the irony of my conduct. I profess that my goal in life is to learn and discover, yet my writing is evidence completely to the contrary; indeed, it is mediocre, a mere re-affirmation of the status quo, deserving (but also simultaneously formulating) the class A. It is clear evidence of apathy rather than interest in the subject matter.

I am beginning to rewrite (pardon the pun) my objective for being in, and participating in, school. It is rather embarrassing that it has taken me this long to figure out that the work done is more important than the grade, but I was (unconsciously; constantly in denial about it) an inflexible, conformist person for a very long time. As I have said, my grades last fall were mediocre at best, and I have absolutely no expectations for the spring grades. That is actually reflective of the effort I have put in and I believe I should recognize that as appropriate. But it is hard reorganizing my life in such a fundamentally different way. I was not genuinely aware that I construed academic success as superficial academic success. But I did, and I probably always will to some extent, evaluate my success on this level, because it is easier to do, and tradition is difficult, though never impossible, to break.

I think, though, that all this is partially an exaggeration. I did not hate writing. Contained in it will always be some degree of my passion. I chose my classes, I enjoyed taking them, and embodied in essays and discussions will always be something that is intrinsically my; my observations are not dispassionate, but they are often forced at the very end--whether through procrastination, frustration, or the futility of not having enough time or means to produce anything more stimulating. So I do not deride my work entirely but do admit it could be better, and mean more, if I had put my whole heart in it.

What makes me sad is that if I don't get the requisite GPA for law journal, I will not be able to get in next year, and I will not have the opportunity to redeem myself the way I want to--to apply this tardy epiphany to the future writing opportunity law journal would have given me. I want that chance, because I believe that writing for a journal means something to me. And for my upcoming failure, and for whatever string of failures I shall present myself with in the future, I am truly sorry.

Difficult sometimes to draw a distinction between what I like to think about and what I genuinely wish to actuate. Of course, I am an avoidant personality at heart, but I genuinely have a passion for many things. I wish I could do them all, but some take priority over others, and practically, just in terms of time availability, few will be capable of being explored. Nevertheless, it is worth mentioning that these are a few of the potential research topics that I have been thinking about lately.

1. Do an enormous cross-sectional study of major psychiatric illnesses and compare the diagnostic criteria used to diagnose them in regions around the world--I suppose this would be a comparative analysis of the diagnoses themselves and what diagnoses really are. At first look it would seem that diagnoses are made by matching up a particular individual's traits (behavioral, physiological) with those determined to comprise a particular "illness." In other words, in making a diagnosis, an individual may possess a particular trait that is part of several mental illnesses. It is only the summation of all "relevant" (and I use relevant in a way that ought further be explored as well) traits that concludes and creates a diagnosis of a particular illness that requires a minimum of a certain number of traits and, additionally, the non-existence of certain other traits. I have been thinking about paranoia as a symptom-trait and how it manifests itself in a democratic society. While paranoia can manifest itself in a number of ways, ( Read more... )